STRUCTURALLY AND MENTALLY UNSOUND

Twin Towers ‘would’ve collapsed anyway’…. new conspiracy theory claims buildings were suicidal.

A remarkable new claim has been made regarding the infamous destruction of the twin skyscrapers of New York back in 2001. Contrary to popular wisdom, it is now believed that the Towers were on the verge of collapse anyway, and would’ve toppled within a matter of weeks, if not days, according to Bob Shot, 49.
Shot is a mechanical engineering graduate who has spent the last twenty five years wheeling a trolley full of Dolls heads around the financial centre of New York. As a student in his 20s, he once held the world pot-smoking record, clocking in with a stunning tally of 434 joints smoked back-back, without the aid of a lighter. Whilst on a euphoric high after smashing the record, he wrote the legendary thesis ‘How they didn’t build the pyramids’, which lays out in convincing fashion (with diagrams), how the Egyptians didn’t build the remarkable structures on the edge of Cairo. He was praised in academic circles for pointing out that the pyramids were not constructed by strapping rocks to the humps of camels and whipping them up a bamboo ramp.  Others thought he was just stating the fucking obvious.

                      Bob Shot's beard: In less paranoid,
                     less unkempt times

His current claim that the twin towers were on their last legs anyway, comes from observations over many years of trolley-wheeling around the financial district.

“One night when I thought that I was Christ’s second cousin, I tore my robe on a small screw plate which had fallen off the building. Over the next few weeks I noticed that more and more  things were falling off the buildings and one night I even saw them swaying in the wind. I even heard them talking to each other. It seemed to me, that the buildings had had enough, and we’re conspiring with each other to bring about a collapse.”

I pressed him further, in fact I played Devil’s Advocat and suggested that generally, buildings neither talk to each other, nor conspire to cause their own structural failure. I put it to him, that this was a conspiracy theory too far. 

“You may laugh,” he said…. so I did – briefly - mainly at the state of his unkempt beard, which was littered with more breakfast debris, than the space underneath my fridge.

“What you fail to realise,” he continued, “is that structures have feelings too. And when we stuff them full of people who run around all day swearing, smoking and generally disrespecting their environment, then eventually, the buildings can and will say, enough is enough.”

I looked further into this claim and it seems that there is now an entire online community giving credence to Shot’s ‘Twin Towers would’ve committed suicide anyway’ theory.

Aaron Muffshot, 35, is an ex banker turned philosopher, who makes a living selling seaweed cakes stuffed with hallucinogenic substances.

“The seaweed combines with the psychoactives and really heightens your sense of union with all the creatures in god’s universe. Don’t try swimming with dolphins when you’re high though, cos they can see right through your act, and contrary to popular belief, dolphins are not always friendly…   Their general reaction to space cadets is to swim very fast at them and headbutt them in the balls.”

                          Dolphins don't like hippies

I thanked him for the warning and quickly pointed out that I was here to gather information about the latest Twin towers conspiracy theory.

“So you don’t believe the buildings were brought down by non-existent holograms created by CNN and Disney while the real culprits pressed detonation switches on three hundred tonnes of dynamite they had sneaked into the building past security and thousands of highly intelligent, financial traders?”

“No,” he replied.  “All these ridiculous theories about controlled demolition and fake planes, fail to take into account one very important point – just because you’ve got a degree in maths, it doesn’t mean you’re qualified to say exactly what will happen when two jet airliners slam into the sides of the world’s two tallest buildings. There’s no precedent for this kind of thing. And that third building that came down…. Wasn’t surprising was it?  The forces we are dealing with are beyond comprehension.  We have to accept that in unique situations like that, we cannot always predict what will happen. It’s a big unknown.”

So of course I had to ask him, if the towers were definitely brought down by two jet airliners, why did he feel the need to subscribe to the ridiculous new school of thought which claims the buildings were depressed and had been scheming with each other for weeks in order to bring about their own suicidal collapse.

“It’s not beyond the realms of possibility. There have been many documented cases in other countries, where buildings have reached the end of their tether and decided to freefall into oblivion.”

When I suggested that this was mainly down to bad engineering and skimping on cement by mafia-connected construction firms, he told me that I was fucking paranoid.

 

They've had enough of this shit:  2 suicidal buildings  
clearly in the middle of plotting their own collapse