Global paint supplier says Schindler’s lot are strangling the paint market to death.
Your shiny new yellow ceiling – those bright green skirting boards that destroyed your last relationship -- that drainpipe you gave a lick of red paint to, just because you wanted to be different -- according to Melvin Bisongrass, there is one common denominator linking all these painting phenomena – Jews.
Bisongrass, 26, is a global undercoat specialist who supplied all the paint The Stone Roses used to destroy the offices of a record label who released that shit Sally Cinnamon video without the band’s consent.
I had never heard about a Global Jewish conspiracy to put a coat of paint inside every building on the planet, so I asked Bissongrass to fill in the glaring gaps in my knowledge.
“And Schindler? He wasn’t a Jew was he?”
“No, but he may as well have been – he saved that many. People call him a hero, but what did he ever do for the non-Jews? He didn’t give them cushy jobs and protection from Nazi persecution did he? It’s one of the worst cases of negative discrimination I’ve ever come across.”
Schindler: Say what you want about him, but he paid his Jews.
“So let’s get this straight,” I said. “Does Oscar Schindler have anything to do with the Jewlux conspiracy, or are you just going off on the biggest tangent since Einstein stopped using them? And what have the Jews ever done to you?”
“It’s what they’re doing to the global paint trade, is what we should all be worried about.”
According to Bisongrass, the Jewlux conspiracy started in Jerusalem in the 60s, after a Muslim painted over the Wailing Wall with a tin of Brown Gloss. The offending paint was quickly removed, but right there and then, apparently, the top dog Jews decided to wreak their revenge. They would not rest until every single Muslim (and non-Muslim) building on the planet, had at least one wall covered in paint supplied by a Jewlux-affiliated company.
Conspiracy or not though, I posed another obvious question – it’s a free world and surely every man and his dog can get involved in whatever business they see fit to get mixed up in.
“That’s a fair point,” Bisongrass replied, “but you seem to be missing the main point of my argument.”
“Which is what?”
“The Jews.”
“What about them?”
“They’re messing about with people’s heads, just because they can…. You know when the world trade centre collapsed, all the Jews were off sick that day? That’s just too convenient for my liking… and three quarters of those four thousand who called in sick, had all been previously employed by the same Jerusalem-based paint company.”
Glossy Brown Wailing Wall
“So what are you saying? That Jewlux was involved in 9/11?”
“Exactly,” he replied. “It’s come full circle, as usual. And another thing you probably don’t know is…all the fireproof paint in the World Trade Centre was Jewlux paint..and it didn’t work. That’s one of the reasons why the buildings didn’t hold up. The Jews have been selling fireproof paint minus the fireproofing, for years now.... unless there’s a fire, how would you ever know what’s in your so-called ‘fireproof’ paint? It could be otter's urine for all you know."
“So basically, what you’re saying is, because of a tin of brown Muslim gloss used on the Wailing wall in the 60s, the Jews have orchestrated the global domination of the paint industry ? – and not only that, they have also skimped heavily on vital ingredients which would have protected fire-damaged buildings from collapse?”
“Yeah.”
Melvin Bisongrass is currently serving four years for attempted murder. He tried to commit suicide by sending himself two parcel bombs, which he never opened.
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